Lets get one thing Clear

I thought I would check in with you all and clarify.
Seems some people are not clear about what my Vision Quest is.
Sorry if I sound annoyed.

"What is this Vision Quest thing you are doing?"

It's really funny because my word for January is CLEAR.

sylvanfairy art journal pages

My Vision Quest is about marketing myself authentically.
(this is IT in a nutshell....I like the word nutshell, ...for so many reasons)

See I plan to make an income for myself, and to do so by doing what I love.
My goal is to support myself using my artistic nature.
To provide for myself and my family through my un-colleged, un-professional, un-conventional way.

I love a challenge.

My Vision Quest is NOT about searching for myself, or finding "Me" through some froo-fru self help bullshit. I am not reading the stacks of books on Self Worth, and Healing, and Courage to "find" or "heal my inner self". I am reading them because I am a healer and a teacher in life. Sure, I will heal from trauma, and learn more about me on the way, but the book stack is about research.  I am not purposefully seeking to find myself anymore than anyone else is as they travel through time and life. I am researching about myself to get to the next level. I plan to write a book. Create a workbook. Publish things. Inspire through creating. Teach and sell art. etc etc. (Plus, I love books.)

"You are the Healer"   3' x 4' acrylic on woodboard

My Vision Quest is about Moonpaper Tent and how to utilize it. How to build it up in the right directions and let it carry me. I have been planing to take 2014 to "re-shape" its path. I am using this year of questing to do more research. I don't have a business degree, actually have never even taken a business course. (I was at home with 6 babies)

I will try to explain....

Moonpaper Tent has been built on pure passion and need, and I have not done it the "right" way like some people would have. In fact, once I had my 5th kid (a girl, finally!) and she turned 4, I thought to myself  "Hurray! Now I  can start doing the thing I was born to do!  I can use my artistic self to create an income!"  (for some reason this is important to Self Worth -whether it should be or not -I learned this from my Self Worth research)  So I opened a studio for creative exploration and actualizing dreams called The Moonpaper Tent.

Then I got pregnant. Literally 3 months after I signed the lease.

But guess what, I kept going anyway. I had my sweet baby -even though some people wanted me to consider other options- and kept right on going with my new studio and my babe strapped to my boob.

"Just Float" 4' x 4' acrylic on canvas

I was clear in my intention. And my intention was that I demanded an equal chance to make my own way, even if making my way looked like playing dress-up. Or a hobby even to some people I suppose. Or like writing scripts, and creating shows, and curriculum, in the wee hours of the night after I had tended to my sweet home, full of children, and dirty socks, and left-over stew. Some people might think I was selfish in this way. I have even heard through the grape-vine that some of my friends even felt abandoned. (Let me tell you about my definition of abandonment some time) Anyway, I had the candle lit at both ends. It was 2006, I was 42 for crying out loud.  I deserved to proceed in this fashion. Call it what you will.

"The Magic of Merlin" presented by The Moonpaper Tent

So now I had two full time jobs based on passion and neither of them helped me out monetarily. Geez this makes some people up-tight. But it's not like I could do a 360 and go to college, to get a degree, to get a job that paid me, to pay the nanny, to stay home with our kids. I had two full time jobs that created  happiness for me. And created beautiful atmospheres for growing children, in the art world and Mama's arms. Mom's in the world, they don't often get credit for this shit. Contribution is green, not sweet pink, in a lot of peoples eyes. I beg to differ.

A lot of things happened along the way, in the last 6 years of working on this goal and dream. Some of them were not pretty. There were several really big mis-haps. The kind that have the potential to fuck you up forever unless you remember your focus. Even if your focus turns to crying and journaling, and wayward painting in overgrown ditches, or sewing with cobwebs for a while.

"August Ghost"  3" x 4"  acrylic on Bristol

But guess what, I kept going anyway. Thank Goodness Moonpaper is run on magic. Magic is alive and dreamworlds exist. Thats why I made it. Frewf! It's a real place and I want to utilize it to its rightful potential!

My Vision Quest is here to wake people up. I woke up. I am done listening to the "You can'ts" and the "You are's" (insert negative words after) And this condescending "Oh, she is finding herself" crap makes me sad for people that say it.

If "finding myself" means reading, and painting, and staying driven to create an income by doing what I love... If it means healing after trauma, and looking at relationships along the way.... If it means staying clear about my path, and listening to my women's intuition, then "she is finding herself" should be sung from the freakin' rooftops!

"Follow This Path" acrylic on wood-board

Lets get one thing clear...I am not a wallowing mess of tears and suicidal thoughts, wrapped up in the past. I am a beautiful, smart, loving mother who is processing life, and who happens to be an artist that still plans to make her own way by doing what she loves. (thank goodness the kids are older)

My Vision Quest is to market myself authentically through just this kind of truth-telling.

There the secret is out.